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The amount of time it takes for someone to commit all depends upon the person and the couple.We all have different timeframes and comfort levels as far as pace goes. In my last relationship, for example, I continued to date a number of guys up until the very day we had THE TALK, three months into dating. I went away for the summer after my freshman year of college, we were in a serious, committed relationship. When I came back to town in the fall — actually, before the fall because I missed him so much — he abruptly left me for the girl who lived across the hall. I would watch him come over to visit her through my peephole. She later became a famous rock star and dumped him. After my 30th birthday, I decided to take the opposite approach and go out of my way to leave my options wide open until the dude broached the subject of exclusivity.

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At least not until you’ve discussed it and have both agreed upon the terms of service for your relationship. Juggling these guys, sorting through the different shades of caring for them, trying to build a connection with all of them at once, trying to schedule multiple dates per week, left me lying awake at night, exhausted, with my stomach in knots, worrying about hurting someone’s feelings.

Most often if affection/love is mutual, the “talk” will happen naturally.

If a man is truly into you, he will want to claim you as his own in order to define a line so that you won’t still be out there shopping. Your partner has a fear of commitment based on past experiences 2.

With that being said, if “the talk” has not happened after, let’s say 3-4 months, it is safe to say that there may be something else going on in his mind that may be stopping him from fully claiming you as his. His idea of a relationship is different than yours 3.

He’s not good at (or fears) speaking his truth/feelings (fear of vulnerability) 4.




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